I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
