when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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