hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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