I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
