It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
