3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
