Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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