Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
