I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
