i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
