if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
