I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
