I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
