My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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