Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We are two peas in an std pod
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
