i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
