when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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