dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
