i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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