Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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