apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
