my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
