it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
