Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
