I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
