How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
