How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
