Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Two words: nipple clamps
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