We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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