and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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