I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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