Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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