I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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