i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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