So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
