So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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