she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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