you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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