At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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