I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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