She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
