I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
