Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bring me that man meat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
