i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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