so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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