i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
