On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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