I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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