Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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