You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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