Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
