Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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