Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
