I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
