Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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