According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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